“Mamma Mia”, I should have gone to bingo!

There are some things which you do in life, that’ll have you wondering “Just why did I do that?” You know those moments. Those persuasive people around you, who get you jump off a high wall onto a pile of snow, only for you to break your arm! Snow, no matter how high it is piled up, gives no guarantee of a soft landing – does it Andrew Meikle?

As young innocent youths, growing up in the village of Pitlessie, we got up to ALL manner of “Silly games!”. The wee village we lived in had around 300 inhabitants. Not a massive population by any stretch of the imagination, but to us it was the centre of the Universe. We went to school together and considering that the local primary had only two or three classrooms, it was impossible not to be close to everyone. I recall that primary 1, 2 and 3 were in one classroom and 4, 5, and 6 in another. The real definition of a village school.

School formed close bonds. This meant that we were a small enough “Band of Brothers”. When one was “Caught with the crows”, we were “ALL shot with the crows”. It was during these early years that we succumbed to peer pressure.

Now that was not all bad. But rolling old tractor tyres down the Cults Hills, towards the A914 main road, was in hindsight a rather bad idea. Especially, when these behemoth, black, uncontrollable masses, managed to somehow climb every mountain and forge every stream. As they rapidly descended towards the cars and vehicles below. Thankfully, not one motorised vehicle was ever damaged during our research!

Picking up the odd, old scrapheap banger, to race around the local farmer’s fields, ensured that we were ready for our driving tests, before we even reached the age of 17. Though, once freed from the shackles of the “Auld L-plates”, lessons were never really maintained. David Jameson’s, yellow, automatic Mark I Vauxhall Cavalier, was not the ideal car, to practice handbrake turns with, in the middle of the football pitch, in the local park. We soon found out, that the drive wheels on an automatic still turned, even when applying the handbrake. This ensured that the car would have a tendency to flip!!! Still, it was fun trying to right the car, in the centre circle, on that Saturday afternoon.

On the occasional hot sunny weekend, we all trooped down to the “Dookie”. A golden sand bank in the middle of the River Eden. Here we would “Safely” swim and frolic. It was the ideal spot to find out just how those birds and bees worked, if you know what I mean?

Collectively, we’d walk the 3 miles in the pitch dark, on the back roads to Ladybank, to go to the disco. Sometimes we’d even go further afield and end up in Kingskettle Bowling Club. These were not Stringfellows or Spearmint Rhino, but to us this was a rite of passage! Your first drink at the bar. Maybe the occasional exchange of fists, with a mad po-going punk. Or even the chance to grab a kiss with one of the lassies.

Then once we had wheels, we’d drive to St.Michael’s Inn or Leven. Fluffed moustaches were order of the day. Then we discovered Bentley’s and Jackie O’s, in Kirkcaldy – home of linoleum and Jocky Wilson, the darts player. Altogether a very different class of lady in this town. We’d come a long way, to get access to the Premier League.

Our lives are so much better when we have experiences to share with others. Good or bad, these memories will live with us forever.

Alas, “Mamma Mia” will be one of those “Bah humbug!” moments for me. Two hours of drivel. Surrounded by millions of the fairer sex, happily clapping, singing, jiggling and giggling along, to out of tune screen icons. I had just one chance to go next door, to watch an impossible mission, but sadly I chickened out at the very last minute. I had NO back-up from the lads, NO wingman, nobody telling me “It will be okay!”

“S.O.S. Fernando!”