“So, why the long face?”

I haven’t morphed into Billy Connolly, Ronnie Corbett or Kevin Bridges. I’ve no intention, trying to make a living telling jokes. Unfortunately, I can’t ever remember the punchlines, of the many great ones I have been told, over the past countless years. If I had that capacity of retention, this would give me some semblance of a chance, to actually be allowed to play the “Joker” at parties, every now and again.

I do manage to learn, by rote, the odd one or two. Alas, if you are in my company, you may very well have heard my two favourites, a dozen or so times over. A wee man goes into a baker’s shop, on Sauchiehall Street (Glasgow). He asks the baker, “How much is yon cake?” “£1” is the reply. The man asks, “Whit aboot that cake?” “£1” is the reply. “An’ that wan?” pointing to a cream bun. “£1” is the reply. “An’ this wan ower therr?” “£2” is the reply. “Hey therr Jimmy, why the price difference?” asks the wee man. To which the baker replies “That’s ma’ Madeira cake,” boom, boom!

“Why the long face?” refers of course to the punchline of a pub themed joke. Two horses go into a bar.....you’ll remember the rest yourself. It would probably be relevant to many of our present tourism providers, when we look at Waterford’s and the South East’s statistical share of inbound tourists. Like many one-time demographics, which though hidden in “Dusty” corners of that hyper-space behemoth, the internet, I and others manage to find. Which we can regularly quote as to just why we don’t fare as well, as other towns, cities and regions.

Last week, the Meitheal 2018 was taking place in “Ireland’s Biggest Hotel”, City West. This hotel, just off the N7, is set in circa 240 acres. It has a convention centre that can accommodate over 4,000 delegates and an 18-hole golf course. What seems like “Millions” of car parking spaces and boasts over 760 bedrooms. Some of which are so far away from the hotel Reception, you quite literally need to hail a taxi cab, just to reach your leaba! Luckily for us, representing Waterford Camino, we were staying elsewhere, miles away from the madding crowds.

The convention centre was packed to the rafters. All manner of hotels, attractions and service providers in attendance. Neatly placed into sectors of this vast, imposing arena. Obviously, Waterford Camino were in situ, in “Ireland’s Ancient East” section, along with some of Waterford’s very best. We were surrounded by a much bigger army, whose allegiance was to “The Wild Atlantic Way”. A tourism phenomenon, that has pulled, pushed and cajoled, millions of visitors to Ireland to “Go West!”, as the Pet Shop Boys would have said.

“Ireland’s Ancient East”, protagonists, were putting their best feet forward, against some extraordinarily tough opposition. We were middleweights, battling against seasoned heavyweights. Some would quite rightly argue, that a far larger proportion of Waterford’s providers should have been present. This was after all a chance to shine a light on, let’s face it, the “Quietist”, least discovered County in Ireland. The buyers were lined up in their hundreds, from every conceivable corner of the globe. There in City West’s convention centre, to hear about and sample, the very best of what every unexplored corner, of this wee green isle, had to offer their paying customers. It was a chance to differentiate ourselves from the same old, same old.

The tourism story we can now tell, should reinforce our position, us as the most sought after, brightest jewel in our national tourism crown. Yet we see many a long face, when it comes to supporting and promoting the very essence that makes us unique. When seeing the sights are concerned, Waterford really does have it all. As we, The Waterford Camino Team waxed lyrically, during our brief 10-minute “Meet-the-buyer-slots”, it was like speed dating. With added pressure, as the “Countdown” clock ticked away in the background. The shortest amount of time in the world, when you have to make a sales pitch, impress and agree follow-up timelines. Pressure cooker stuff indeed!

Our tourism future is bright. As a point of difference, we’re unique!

“Is it safe?”

Some might remember the 1976 film “Marathon Man”. Starring Dustin Hoffmam, Roy Scheider and Laurence Olivier, who played the very sinister Dr Christian Szell. A film about Nazi war criminals and stolen diamonds. This was one of my Father’s all time favourite films. One I can recall watching with him, as a wee boy of 10 or 11 years of age.

It is amazing that we can all remember one or two particular scenes from our favourite movies. That shock, deep intake of breath moment in the Stephen Rea film, “The Crying Game”. You know the one! The one that nobody talked about after leaving the cinema. This made that film and was probably one of the best kept movie secrets of the early nineties.

The scene that would be remembered by most in the “Marathon Man” is of course the torturing of Dustin Hoffman’s “Baby”, by Olivier. It is when he takes out that dentist’s drill and starts to repair a few fillings, without any anaesthetic, that you begin to squirm and writhe, on your comfy lounge chair. To add to the tension, Olivier keeps asking “Is it safe?” and Hoffman has no idea what he is talking about. So the cycle of drill, that familiar whizzing noise and pain continues.

If you had any fear of the dentist, then this was NOT the film to be watching. I can only imagine that thousands of people were put off visiting their “Tooth-fairy,” after watching “Marathon Man”. In the end Hoffman exacts revenge on the greedy, nasty, dental-Nazi and summary justice is served in Central Park. At gunpoint, Olivier refuses to be forced to swallow the recovered diamonds. A tussle ensues, he stumbles and falls on his own knife. Hoffman heads off into Central Park, throwing his gun into the reservoir.

Unfortunately, there has been an awful lot of chat, about how safe is Waterford City. After yet again another unpleasant incident in John Robert’s Square. Social media played its part, promoting the video of two women fighting in sight of shoppers, families and tourists. It appears that the same people were involved in cajoling and encouraging these two women to “Punch, kick and batter!” one another. This is not the first time we’ve had to witness such unnecessary behaviour, nor will it be the last.

These were not irresponsible teenagers. These were not gangs of youths, rampaging uncontrollably through our City Centre. These were people known to the Garda. Do these types of incidents make our City Centre unsafe? They certainly make very unpleasant viewing and thanks to the reach of social media they give unwanted National headlines. The courts see “Trouble-makers” week after week. More often than not they are let off with a slap on the wrist and released, to roam the streets once again. The lack of heavy sentencing does not act as a deterrent. People who misbehave and break the law must be punished. Alas, our courts do not seem to concur with this logic.

There are of course much wider social issues which have to be tackled, to rid our streets of all manner of “Trouble-makers or undesirables”. There simply are not the resources to give many of these people a chance. The harsh reality is, that those who do not wish to be helped, need to be dealt with by the courts and removed from our streets.

Waterford City is fundamentally a safe place to visit. To make it safer we all must play our part. People who are willing to report incidents in newsprint, media or on the airwaves, must be prepared to report to the Garda and if necessary be witnesses to the crimes they are reporting. If a case cannot be made in front of a judge, then there is no case to answer in the eyes of the law. Crime, anti-social behaviour, aggressive begging and all other unacceptable conduct will prevail, if we the members of the public, don’t step up to the plate.

Confrontation is very difficult to engage in, yet as responsible citizens we must ensure that the Garda hear and note every incident. If our “Keepers of the Peace” don’t act, THEN they can be held accountable.

“Look at Me! I’m a Kestrel.”

Isn’t nature a wonderful thing? In many ways, a metaphor of our lives. Just when you think you have figured it out, it well and truly turns around and bites you on the backside.

There was I and probably thousands of others, thinking that Spring had sprung last week. Then, I put on my new, thinner Lycra to pedal a few more hundred kilometres around our stunning county and suddenly there’s another cold, windy spell of “Unseasonable” weather. Just when will the doubt end? When will we see a return to the better conditions, which define the “Sunny South East”?

Whilst out cycling last weekend, I noticed dozens of farmers’ 4x4s. Pulling trailers, horse boxes and all manner of load bearing platforms. Collecting much needed silage or fodder, for hungry animals, which have been stuck indoors for weeks and months. Judging by the lochs and lakes of water collecting in the fields, it will be sometime before any of these beasties are released out into pastures of green and lush grass. It will take an almighty spell of sunny, hot, dry weather, to get our farmers calendars back on track.

The biting cold wind, of Eastern origin, also returned. Making the business of keeping our houses warm, difficult once again. There was many a Dad, having to go out to the shed to bring back the very briquettes, that he had so carefully put away for next Winter. We didn’t expect to be stoking our fires, on the first weekend in April.

Amongst all of this climatic doom and gloom, I spotted a member of the crow family, up near Carrick, probably a Jackdaw (Though I am no ornithologist or a twitcher, I have been known to glance at the odd bird or two!) Anyway, this Jackdaw, we’ll call him John, was trying very hard to fly against a stiff Easterly wind. His mates were all perched on a telegraph wire below, beaks pressed directly into the wind, to minimise the chances of being blown over. I could just imagine the conversation.

“Look at me!” John the jackdaw shouted. “I’m a Kestrel! I am hovering.” Then all the other Jackdaws, sitting on the wire, looked up and shouted back, “No you’re not, you’re a bloody Jackdaw, nothing more or nothing less!” We come across many people in life who try to convince us they are something they are not. They mimic the mannerisms, the traits of others, in the hope that we can be deceived. Maybe the people representing us are trying to be Kestrels, when in reality they are Jackdaws?

On a brighter note, I also spotted my very first Swallow of the year. Showing off some stunning moves and aerial acrobatics, alongside the GAA fields in Portlaw. Some say, “One Swallow does not make a Summer!” Well this poor chap certainly took the wrong, cheap-as-chips, Rhino-air flight to Ireland. I swear that he was trying to fly in a wee, woolly, bobble hat and scarf. He must have been freezing cold. After weeks of non-stop travelling, to the Promised Land, his forecaster came up short. He was sold a pup! Despite the rhetoric and supporting documentation in the glossy brochure, there was to be no milk and honey when HE arrived.

Otters are as rare as hen’s teeth and seeing one in the flesh is a very exceptional and infrequent occurrence. Yet, on Friday last, just outside the Tower Hotel, whilst with a group from Waterford Camino Tours and near the Fromby and Coningbeg memorial, we saw a big one. Hunting for his dinner. He was over three and a half feet long. Not troubled by the crowd who had gathered to watch him chase his fish supper. Whilst observing this majestic animal, he managed to catch not one but two small fish from the muddy tidal flats!

I have only seen a handful of Otters in my entire 52 years on this planet. A bit like recounting what game-changing projects have actually been delivered by Government for Waterford. Very few over the past number of years! Their infrequency is perhaps what gets us a wee bit over excited.

So there you have it. Nature – a metaphor for life!

It’s time to make “A Holy Show of Oneself!”

Believe it or not and despite the very recent unseasonably bad weather, we are nearly in the middle of Spring. Summer time will be here before we know it. Allowing us time to look forward to the visiting hordes, descending on Waterford City and County, in their tens of thousands?

To ensure that these visitors come back, we must ALL play our part in making our tourists welcome. After all, the best type of holiday-maker is the one who comes back! Bringing with them three or four family members, other relatives or a bus load of friends! Repeat business, as our Waterford Hotels will attest, is the easiest sell, offering the best value for money, in terms of communicating, marketing and securing bed nights.

A long time ago, whilst running Edinburgh’s Royal Highland Centre, in Scotland, I attended a tourism conference. Speaking at one of the seminars, was the then Governor of HM Prison Barlinnie, Glasgow.  A prison which has housed the likes of the Dragons’ Den Duncan Bannatyne, artist Jimmy Boyle and footballer Duncan Ferguson. They visit one of the many “Luxury suites” and spent time at her Majesty’s pleasure. The Governor, whose name escapes me, was delighted to boast, to a room full of the great and the good of Scotland’s very best hotels, that he had an unenviable return rate. Or “Rebooking rate”, as he put it. His occupancy rate was constantly near enough to 100%!!! He apparently knew most of the inmates “Holiday habits” and when they were likely to be back to him for a visit.

Repeat business for Waterford City and County cannot be under estimated. It is word of mouth recommendations that make a relatively easy sell. If people have good experiences, whilst on their “Holliers”, they are likely to come back. Of course, have a poor experience and dozens will hear about it. That means significant numbers will NOT consider Waterford as a destination.

Collective marketing of Waterford is alive and well. Helping ALL our annual visitors enjoy spending their hard earned cash, right here in the Deise. It was on the back of this, that a number of Waterford business attractors, attended the recent consumer show at the RDS Dublin. The brand new, “Outdoor Revolution Show” took place on 24^th/25^th March.

Waterford Camino Tours, along with Dunmore East Adventure Centre, Waterford Greenway Bike Hire (Durrow) and Wilder Wander, were in attendance, as part of Waterford Council’s Waterford Greenway exhibit. This was a collaborative approach to marketing our Greenway as a destination of substance. By that I mean, that you can now create a holiday itinerary around the Greenway for 2, 3, 4 or 5 days. A real vacation, escape and retreat. There undoubtedly is so much to do right across our City and our County.

The key to securing more overnight stays, will of course be promotion. We need to see an end to the one stop, one night trippers, creating experiences which will invite them to stay longer. Using and exploiting Waterford City and County as the base to discover the “Sunny South East”. Tour operators, bus companies and independent travellers, need to change their current view of Waterford. Not as a mere one night destination, or one night stopover.

Responsibility for this, lies with all our tourism partners working closer together. Cross promoting and building relationships, based on trust. We must be able to recommend a provider, knowing that said provider will deliver to the very highest standards.

Waterford generously receives a liberal amount of RTE coverage, from the institution that is Nationwide. This is in part due, to the tireless work on our behalf, of Suzanne and Brian at Hi-Lite TV. Featuring the recent Viking Festival, a whole programme on Waterford Camino Tours and so much more.  

However the caveat to future support, is the need for those being featured to “Self-promote”, likewise their partners to “Cross-promote”. The bean-counters in RTE will doubtless return to the regions, where viewing figures justify the programme costs. It’s not just a case of, “We’ll produce a show and you sit back and reap the rewards.” We must all play our own supporting roles.

So, say it loud – “I’m Waterford and I’m proud!”