“They think it’s all over?”

This time next week, it will all be over for another year. Depending on when you are reading my wee column, there will be 5, 4 or 3 sleeps left, until that big man, dressed in his Coca Cola red costume, drops down the chimney to deliver your presents. That’s assuming you have made it on to his “Nice list!”

There will be more than a few people on Waterford’s “Naughty list” and we hope that Santa deals with them appropriately!

Like so many others, I’ve written to Santa. I let him know about the dozens of promises made to us and how, time after time, we have been repeatedly let down. So many have guaranteed, well almost, to bring X, Y and Z, as well as A, B and C to the Déise. Yet we never seem to get the very presents that we deserve. It is like we are little Tiny Tim, from Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” and the Government is Scrooge. We just need someone brave enough to show the party in power, those three life changing ghosts. Alas, I fear that it will take a few more Christmases to get our Scrooge to change his mind.

Anyway, I am sure that a week from now, we will all be deciding just what to do, with our three day old leftover turkey and ham. We’ve had copious quantities of sandwiches, with the two fillings and despite handing out mountains of these to our visitors, there is still enough left, for one more dish. What if we make a curry or a stew? Maybe the easier option would be soup? Or better still, the brown bin’s mouth is calling, ready to swallow all things leftover. So the bin it is, as we have to move on to thoughts of how to cook and prepare the ham, for New Year’s Day.

It’s a time to get together and share in the joy of giving. Put a wee bit of thought into those presents for loved ones. Vouchers are fine for birthdays and anniversaries, but from Santa? Nothing says I’ve thought of you more than the small token present that will mean so much to your nearest and dearest. When you get it right, their reaction says it all.

I’ll share a Christmas past with you. Men tend to be very, very, very, practical when it comes to presents. That’s the way our minds are hard wired and programmed. It goes back to the days of us being the hunter gatherers. We just can’t help it, so ladies, cut us a wee bit of slack.

With this in mind, I once wrapped and delivered to Mrs Garland, a lovely wood affect mahogany toilet seat, a set of stainless steel mixing bowls (which are still in use), an electric tooth brush (now long gone) and a plethora of other wonderfully, sensible (in my eyes), no-nonsense gifts. I had put an awful lot of thought into my shopping that year.

Did I get any credit for this? No! As the saying goes in the North East of Scotland, “It was just one sheep!”, you can work out the rest yourself. Tainted for the rest of my life, I am afraid! Lesson learned.

At Christmas time, I would advocate that the males of the species, never ever provide your wonderful other halves with the Jigsaw (the electric type for wood cutting). A vacuum cleaner (of any make), a combined microwave oven, a blender or, God forbid, a Slendertone....what is that suggesting!?!? It may well be the season to be jolly, but it is not the season, time or place to be giving sensible gifts.

 

2017 will soon be leaving us. We can start looking forward to the New Year and what 2018 might bring Waterford.

Can we really look forward to better times ahead? I do hope so. Unfortunately, those who rub the magic lamp, to loosen Exchequer funds, don’t have Waterford on their Christmas card list. Unwilling to spend the €1 on a stamped card, wishing us some much needed, festive cheer.

May I sincerely wish you, a Merry Christmas and a Happy Hogmanay, when it arrives.

“Tis the season to be jolly?”

Whilst out and about over the last weekend, I was stopped on several occasions to be asked about the mess that is Brexit. I suppose, being so vocal on the politics of Ireland, makes me an ideal person, to stop and quiz, when it comes to all things governmental in the UK, GB and of course Scotland. Unfortunately it does appear that the political glitterati, on both side of the Irish Sea, are crafted from a very similar gene pool.

On Sunday last, due to frost and snow my unicycle stayed snugly wrapped under the duvet. I therefore had time to watch David Davis MP (The Tory baddie) squirming on Andrew Marr’s BBC show. He was asked probing question, after probing question on the lies spouted by the leave side, during the Brexit referendum. Like all well schooled representatives, he wiggled out of answering any direct question with a straight answer. Time and time again he was fudging the reply and deflected nearly all of the arrows being shot at him. According to the UK Government, Westminster is still in the driving seat at the negotiating table and they are sailing the “Good Ship Lollipop” in the right direction.

What about that £40-£50 billion (some say £100 billion) divorce settlement? A separation that wasn’t going to cost a single penny? It would be “No deal”, if there was any hint that the EU were going to force through a bad deal. Does the rhetoric sound familiar?

As they say “A week is a long time in politics”.

Scroll back a few more days. There was a deal on the cards and pens were poised ready to sign on the dotted line. A shame then that nobody had bothered to call and inform “Mrs Merton”, up in North. She immediately circled her DUP wagons, rolled out the same old Unionist patter and told May, Leo and Junker “The computer says NO!” All hell broke loose. People were scurrying around dark corridors, slamming doors and trying desperately to find alternative words, in their “Oxford Thesaurus of English”, to keep the Unionists at one side.

To justify the lack of movement, a scapegoat would have to be found. Ireland would be that sacrificial lamb. An open, free-flowing border would be the proverbial square peg in a round hole. To allow the UK public the chance to get involved in this debate, Channel 4 went out with pen, paper and a map of Ireland. They would ask people to draw the border that had scuppered the Brexit negotiations. Low and behold no-one could. Did they really expect some poor victim, from the middle of Sheffield, to know where this line should be drawn? Of course not, but it did make good TV and allowed many column inches, in newspapers both sides of the divide.

There were cries of foul play and demands that the “Empire Strike Back”. With lightsabers drawn, there would be much infighting and even the odd few admitting to “Using the force”, to find a wording or two, that suited all sides. Then out of the blue, after much lamp rubbing, the Genie appeared and a wording was penned that suited North, South, East and West.

Even Sky’s very own comedic “Anchor Man” Adam Bolton, managed to have a last minute snipe at Ireland, when interviewing Simon Coveney. The media well and truly had their knives sharpened. They would be prepared to sever every limb, of any politician who was thrown their way. It was like feeding Christians to the lions at Rome’s Flavian Amphitheatre.

Whilst all this politicking continues to rumble on, we the ordinary members of the public just want to see progress. This political points scoring needs to stop and solutions need to be found. Alas, finding common ground for ALL members of a political party, never mind cross-party, is the Holy Grail.

You couldn’t really write a better script for Brexit. It is an unjustifiable race to the bottom. We know that locally, representatives “Pretend” to work together, when their real motive is to get more votes than their competitor. It’s the same in the UK!

Irish and UK politics, one big pantomime? “Oh yes they are!”

“Terms and Conditions Apply!”

So Frances Fitzgerald finally fell on her own sword. Not before putting up a huge, behind closed doors fight, with her Fine Gael colleagues. There was even talk about her “Having something on Leo?” Nonetheless, he remained so steadfastly on the side of “She has done nothing wrong and let’s wait for the tribunal, before judging her!”

The trouble was, that Leo’s pantomime Dames were also told, in no uncertain terms, to get behind their Tánaiste. “They’re behind you!” The spin was “Innocent until proved guilty.” Then more and more, leaked emails started to appear. Evidence against the Minister was mounting, indications being that Frances knew more about the shenanigans surrounding Maurice McCabe, than she was willing to tell the Dáil. Had she convinced Leo, she was no Panto Baddie, no Wicked Witch?

Pressure mounted on ALL concerned, nobody wanted a pre-Christmas election. The hustings were awash with threats of rebellion. There was no festive cheer. The door knocking over the 12 Days of Christmas, was without doubt, going to be a complete and utter disaster. It would be an election date of infamy.

Joy of joys. Two Tuesdays ago Frances did the honourable thing and tendered her resignation, at the very, very, very last minute. Talk about leaving it late. She took the Government and the country right to the wire.

There must have been terms and conditions attached?

Sure enough, only a few hours later, the now ex-Minister and ex-Tánaiste received the full backing of her party. She stood for and was nominated, as the FG candidate for the next general election in her Dublin Mid West constituency. I have no doubt that a future ministerial role has been pencilled in, if FG are returned to govern.

Scroll forward a few days and on Thursday 30^th November, Scotland’s St.Andrew’s Day, Minister Simon Coveney, can’t believe his luck. Accepting the position of Tánaiste with alacrity. Have absolutely no doubt, he has attached his very own “Ts and Cs” to keep FG and FF happy. Will we see a third budget, as promised in the Confidence and Supply Agreement? “Oh yes we will!” Well, only time will tell.

 

Then out of the blue, the terms of reference are announced, by Minister Simon Harris, for the National Review of Specialist Cardiac Services. We’d rub our magic lamp and Waterford’s Lotto numbers would come up. We’d scoop the Euro Millions jackpot. Professor Nolan would lead the review that would once and for all, deliver the South East’s cardiac services.

Alas, yet another false dawn, I am afraid.

The terms of reference, are once again, comical, laughable, and even “Wishy-Washy”. They are quite evidently worthy lines for a pantomime Dame. “Oh NO they’re NOT!” the Government shout. “Oh YES they are!” we shout back.

An unbelievably long, drawn-out timescale of 12 to 18 months. Hello, we might all be dead, by the time the report comes back to Minister Harris! At least the can has been well and truly kicked down the road, for the next Government to fight Waterford.

Then, we see the now obligatory photo shoot, appearing all over social media. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am sure that some, maybe even all, are trying very hard to deliver our very basic health service rights. But when you see only three TDs pictured with the Minister, is it any wonder that this South East “Crisis”, is seen by those in the Dáil as wholly Waterford’s conundrum?

Could I produce a few more TDs from behind the Minister? “Abracadabra”, I shouted, but without my magic lamp to rub, no more appeared.

There are 158 TDs in the Dáil, yet only 3 turned up for the launch picture. That represents less than 2% of the total number seated in Dublin. If all 19 regional representatives had shown up, that would have increased the proportion to 12%!!!!

Or to put it another way. I win €1,000,000 on the Lotto and offer a lucky reader the chance to get 2% or 12% of these winnings. €20,000 or €120,000 – what would you choose????

Percentages matter in Irish politics. It’s very simple. The bigger representation you have, the greater the slice of the pie - Ts and Cs always apply. 

“Rotten apples – we’ve a barrel full of them!”

“Surprise Surprise”, as Cilla Black would once have said. Leo “The Limelight” Varadkar has with all the Wisdom of Solomon, decided to give his full backing to his embattled, beleaguered, Tánaiste, Minister Frances Fitzgerald. In many ways, he is very quickly becoming our very own version of the “Iron Lady”, Margaret Thatcher. He is very clearly “Not for turning!”

Over the last few days, right across our national media, he has repeated the same mantra, time after time, after time. He will, come hell or high water, not throw out, sack, dismiss, get rid of, abandon, or ask her to resign.

As a result, there has been nothing but incessant talk about a possible general election before Christmas. Come on Leo, we have barely had time to recover from “Trick or Treating”, Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Winterval starting and the switching on of our Christmas lights. We were all beginning to feel at lot like Christmas and with one fell swoop, you have with your Scrooge “Bah humbug” attitude, put back the misery in our hearts.

If you follow through with your hard line Maggie Thatcher attitude, you will do nobody any favours. The Irish public do not want another general election and your aides, spin doctors and political advisers MUST be telling you this. Even Santa Claus, is probably writing a letter to you as we speak. You’ll be placed at the VERY TOP of his “Naughty list”, if you continue with this election threat.

I for one, don’t wish to see any politicians this side of Christmas. We want to greet carol singers knocking at our doors and not political activists, pushing regurgitated 2016 fake election promises into our face. The mood of the electorate is no election this side of Santa’s arrival. Yet once again, you seem to be ignoring the wishes of the very people who gave you the keys to the Dáil.

It now transpires, that not only did your besieged Tánaiste ignore an important email, a senior official in her department, also appears to have taken a phone call as a follow up to said email. An email, which was very conveniently forgotten by the Minister, despite the content being the hottest gossip in town.

For sure, we all make mistakes and errors of judgement, however there is a feeling that a select few are now trying to give us the run-around. Are we, the public, once again being treated like the dirt on one’s shoe?  

When this current Government and FG came to power, there were undertakings that favouritism and cronyism would be a thing of the past. That was OLD Irish politics, they said. Then Leo seized power. Grabbing the limelight and promising that there would be open transparency never seen before, in Leinster House. He very quickly rolled back on that pledge. We are now in the midst of a whirlwind of corruption, sticking two fingers up to the people of Ireland.

I am not sure there is ONE good apple in our political barrel.

Our members of the Dáil, are quite clearly prepared to do everything it takes, to greedily grab more power for their own gain. Long gone are the days, when you would throw your hat into the political arena for the betterment of your constituency. It has become more about “What’s in it for me”, rather than how can I make a real difference to the lives of the people of Ireland?

I would quite happily blacken ALL political parties with the same brush. No matter what they say in public, behind closed doors they are all the identical. All from the same malevolent gene pool. Opposition parties promise the earth, moon and stars to be elected. Yet, when and if they get in to power, their election manifesto, turns out to be a wish list, nothing more.

Will we be going to the polls before Rudolph et al, deliver Santa to your chimney, ready to sip his now customary malt whisky or even whiskey? I for one hope not.

I secretly think, that the political glitterati also wish to avoid a GE. Are they perhaps accruing a few more months on office, whilst augmenting their sizeable pensions! 

Are we lacking in political talent?

Over the last few weeks many, many column inches have been written, relating to our Junior Minister John Halligan’s recent faux pas. Thus, widened the debate further, as to whether or not Waterford has the political talent to actually make a difference to the City, County and wider South East region.

If you look at our neighbouring counties, the numerous political “Big hitters” across our borders are well publicised. These TDs are aligning themselves for significant portfolios in the next Irish Government, be that 2018, 2019 or 2020.

Waterford’s long term hurling foe, Kilkenny, have a five seat constituency. Both FF and FG will probably be targeting three seats in the “Black and Amber” county. Out to the “Wesht” we have the super constituency of Cork. The two main parties of FF and FG are well aware that this very large geographical area is a key battle ground. Eighteen seats are available, across the various compass points, Tipperary has five seats on offer and so does Wexford.

We are quite literally surrounded, by much bigger political sharks and that in itself is our greatest challenge. The main two parties and probably SF, albeit behind closed doors, see the Déise as fish bait. Nothing too important and far enough away from Dublin headquarters to ignore....most of the time.

We have seen economic report after economic report shelved, or used to prop up wobbly old desks or used as doorstops, in dusty corners of Leinster House. From a rushed “Talk Talk” report, delivered by Richard Bruton and announced on WLR FM, during “Winterval on Ice” outside broadcast, in December 2011, to the most recent South East Economic reports. These have all come and gone. They have all been launched with much razz-a-ma-tazz, promising a subheading of “This is the one to fix our woes!” Yet many, many years later we are still stuck in the same Groundhog Day.

Our latest golden ticket promise of a “Proper” cardio review, has now been found wanting in the terms of reference. These by all accounts having been by-passed by our own TDs apparently, they are now arguing the terms need to be changed? The bigger questions is, is it just the four Waterford TDs asking that these be changed or are our political neighbours doing the same?

Surely, 4+5+5+5=19, makes a more powerful argument than the lone voices of four individual party members?

Despite the rhetoric surrounding the apparent working together on the “Three Sisters” bid. I do wonder, will we ever persuade the likes of Kilkenny, Wexford and adding in Tipperary, to really support the betterment of the region. The TDs in these neighbouring constituencies see themselves as THE regional players and do not wish to bow down to Waterford. They do after all have significantly bigger population centres and more TDs in the Dáil.

So what of Waterford’s political talent pool? Do we have the right people in Dublin to persuade our hostile neighbouring tribes to support the Déise? Well at this moment in time that would appear to be a big fat NO!

We have two TDs in Government. One has decided for some unknown reason to become John Ford’s “The Quiet Man” and our other Junior Minister the complete opposite. You know you have made it as an Irish politician, when Mario Rosenstock satirises your every move!

With two TDs in Government you would think that we would have some chance of succeeding. Alas, like so many of the reports that have gone before, their promise has been fleeting and ephemeral.

Will Waterford ever be a political force in Dublin? In truth that probably won’t happen, unless we return three, yes three, main party TDs. Or better still four from the same party! This of course, will not take place as we are voters of habit. Come election time we tend to vote the same old way.

We do need our current elected representatives to pull their socks up, whatever happens in the next year or two. They must start meeting and dealing with our “Hostile” neighbours.

They meet regularly themselves. Maybe now is the time to invite a few more to their tea party?

“It’s beginning to feel at lot like Christmas!”

If truth be told, that Christmas feeling seems to begin earlier and earlier each year. In fact, it appears to start right after Halloween. Once all the reduced in price “Trick or treat” paraphernalia, such as vampire costumes, werewolf masks, gory face paint, sickly marshmallow sweets and monkey nuts are gone, they’re gone.

Tinsel, baubles and Christmas trees, miraculously come out as if by magic! Even the BIG man from the North, invites us to make a list, before “Black Friday” gets us all excited whilst maxing out our credit cards. Make no bones about it, we succumb to commercialisation all too easily. Even Santa’s hard working wee elves are not immune to modern day pressures.

We can see evidence of Waterford making its annual Christmas statement, with the return of Winterval and Santa switching on the lights, on Friday 17^th November. This will take place in the heart of the City Centre. Supported live on air by WLR FM. All this exciting action will take place between John Robert’s Square and The Apple Market.

You may also have noticed that preparations are well under way, ready for the official Winterval Festival launch.

A huge vintage Ferris wheel has located itself on The Quay, opposite Shaw’s Department Store. You may just have seen the structure being erected last weekend. This is apparently, the largest mobile in Ireland. Offering passengers a unique perspective of the City and unparalleled views across the River Suir. Just remember to wrap up and maybe bring a warm blanket when going on this, as you wouldn’t wish to have a cold for Christmas day.

Winterval’s very successful ice rink, has of course moved to a bigger, better, new location, the Waterside Car Park, previously the old gas works. This will allow not one but two ice rinks to be operated. There will be the usual large rink and a smaller rink, to encourage the wee ones to take up ice skating. This makes a lot of sense. Previously, the mix of giddy teenagers trying to impress one another, caused many a collision and safety concerns for the smaller members of our community.

The move has caused some consternation, stoked of course by social media. One or two Facebook posts, indicating that the rink was NOT returning! In reality this has given the new operators lots of free publicity, creating a frisson of excitement. Will the new rink deliver a little bit extra this year?

The Apple Market, Waterford’s newest outdoor venue, continues to programme fresh, innovative exciting events. There will be a Christmas village located here, lots of live music and maybe even the opportunity to have an interactive snowball fight!

With so much going on, I do wonder, if these Christmassy distractions, will encourage those who represent us, to have some down time? After all, our Santa list for Waterford Inc. is not that big, is it?

Well yes it is!

The Cath Lab resolution must be at the top of Waterford’s long standing Christmas wish list. However, the recently published “Terms of reference”, appear, “Surprise, surprise”, to be anti-Waterford. Why, one wonders, do we have to start every process quite literally on the back foot! Surely, someone, given the record of reports for Waterford, had to be influencing the terms of reference, before they were published and NOT after.

University status for WIT, has been kicked so far down the road, that yet another generation of secondary level school leavers are missing out and having to travel many kilometres to go to a third level university. Waterford Airport has had no commercial flights for nearly 20 months and Government has been very quiet on the funding for our North Quays. This wish list, despite numerous opportunities, would have allowed Ireland’s Three Wise Men (Varadkar, Donohoe and Coveney) to be the bearers of gifts, our Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh.

There is much to look forward locally this festive season. Waterford will no doubt be supported regional by many a Christmas shopper and visitor.

I hope that these Dublin centric elves, don’t forget us and remember to deliver the odd present or two, to kick start our 2018.

Hi ho, hi ho it’s off to....North Korea!!!!

Much of the news last week, focused on the announcement that three Irish TDs would be paying a visit to the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK). North Korea to you and me. 

Yes, that madcap totalitarian dictatorship, run by their supreme leader Kim Jong-un, will be visited by Ireland’s “Three Stooges”. Messers Ross, McGarth and Waterford’s very own Minister Halligan, will fly out, at their own expense, to the capital Pyongyang, we assume. To stop, in their own words, “The inevitable move towards war with the good old USA”.

This amazing story began last week. Just like many people, I immediately checked my phone, when I first read this, to see if it was the 1^st of April. I also checked that this was not a Waterford Whispers news story. Lastly, I even went online to look up The Daily Mail, that font of knowledge for ALL spoof news stories. Low and behold the oracles told me, that this was actually true!

This was not fake news, but a real and current, national news story. A letter has been penned and sent by Minister Halligan, requesting that this parliamentary Troika be allowed permission to visit DPRK. We can also assume that they have requested a meeting with Kim Jong-un, otherwise that whole junket, would of course be a waste of time. After all, you don’t ask the monkey to play you a tune on the organ – do you?

The justification for this visit is that “Larry, Moe and Curly” are, “a group of three prominent politicians in a country highly-respected around the world for its neutrality.” That’s a fair enough statement, but the word neutrality, can be very loosely defined these days, depending on which side of the fence you sit!

 

I would also be pretty sure, that Kim Jong-un’s school lessons, did not have so much as a sentence about Ireland’s standing as a world powerhouse, when covering global history. One could even hazard a guess that Kim could not point to Ireland on a world map. Much the same as many people wouldn’t have a clue where the DPRK sits, between the Yellow Sea and the Sea of Japan.

The thought that this Troika could do any good on the world stage just beggars belief. Does it not show contempt, for the very people of Ireland who voted these three into power? For “Huey, Louie and Dewey” to think that they represent some kind of World Peace Brokers, is delusional beyond anyone’s imagination.

Donald the Trump, is hell bent on giving Kim the bloodiest of noses. He has even taken his golf bats with him, to help relieve the monotony of his marathon tour of Asia. He’ll be visiting Japan, China, Vietnam, Philippines and South Korea. Do our three, secretly living, in their own wee world, see themselves on a par with other world leaders, never mind other politicians? It would appear that they do, which is worrying for us, their electorate.

Whilst our “Three Amigos” are plotting and scheming to save “Who?” from the El Guapo character, we are left wondering why they are so willing to apparently disregard their own people.

There are far too many pressing problems in Ireland and Waterford to list in this wee column. Currently there are 8,000 homeless people, with 3,000 of these being children. NO Cath Lab in Waterford City, to service the 500,000 people across the South East. University status for WIT appears further away than ever. REAL regional development is nonexistent. A skills shortage, in key industrial areas, that has been endemic for years. I could go on and on.

We have far too many current issues that these “City Slickers” need to tackle right here, right now. To think that they believe they are doing us a favour by going East, has all the makings of a slapstick film. I can see comedy writers bashing out scripts as we speak, on their Apple Macs.

Even if in some parallel universe, they succeed in getting an audience with Kim, they will NEVER get to see the “maniac” Donald. They quite happily burned that bridge last year!

Maybe they’ll meet the “Stay Puft Marshmallow Man” next?