“Rotten apples – we’ve a barrel full of them!”

“Surprise Surprise”, as Cilla Black would once have said. Leo “The Limelight” Varadkar has with all the Wisdom of Solomon, decided to give his full backing to his embattled, beleaguered, Tánaiste, Minister Frances Fitzgerald. In many ways, he is very quickly becoming our very own version of the “Iron Lady”, Margaret Thatcher. He is very clearly “Not for turning!”

Over the last few days, right across our national media, he has repeated the same mantra, time after time, after time. He will, come hell or high water, not throw out, sack, dismiss, get rid of, abandon, or ask her to resign.

As a result, there has been nothing but incessant talk about a possible general election before Christmas. Come on Leo, we have barely had time to recover from “Trick or Treating”, Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Winterval starting and the switching on of our Christmas lights. We were all beginning to feel at lot like Christmas and with one fell swoop, you have with your Scrooge “Bah humbug” attitude, put back the misery in our hearts.

If you follow through with your hard line Maggie Thatcher attitude, you will do nobody any favours. The Irish public do not want another general election and your aides, spin doctors and political advisers MUST be telling you this. Even Santa Claus, is probably writing a letter to you as we speak. You’ll be placed at the VERY TOP of his “Naughty list”, if you continue with this election threat.

I for one, don’t wish to see any politicians this side of Christmas. We want to greet carol singers knocking at our doors and not political activists, pushing regurgitated 2016 fake election promises into our face. The mood of the electorate is no election this side of Santa’s arrival. Yet once again, you seem to be ignoring the wishes of the very people who gave you the keys to the Dáil.

It now transpires, that not only did your besieged Tánaiste ignore an important email, a senior official in her department, also appears to have taken a phone call as a follow up to said email. An email, which was very conveniently forgotten by the Minister, despite the content being the hottest gossip in town.

For sure, we all make mistakes and errors of judgement, however there is a feeling that a select few are now trying to give us the run-around. Are we, the public, once again being treated like the dirt on one’s shoe?  

When this current Government and FG came to power, there were undertakings that favouritism and cronyism would be a thing of the past. That was OLD Irish politics, they said. Then Leo seized power. Grabbing the limelight and promising that there would be open transparency never seen before, in Leinster House. He very quickly rolled back on that pledge. We are now in the midst of a whirlwind of corruption, sticking two fingers up to the people of Ireland.

I am not sure there is ONE good apple in our political barrel.

Our members of the Dáil, are quite clearly prepared to do everything it takes, to greedily grab more power for their own gain. Long gone are the days, when you would throw your hat into the political arena for the betterment of your constituency. It has become more about “What’s in it for me”, rather than how can I make a real difference to the lives of the people of Ireland?

I would quite happily blacken ALL political parties with the same brush. No matter what they say in public, behind closed doors they are all the identical. All from the same malevolent gene pool. Opposition parties promise the earth, moon and stars to be elected. Yet, when and if they get in to power, their election manifesto, turns out to be a wish list, nothing more.

Will we be going to the polls before Rudolph et al, deliver Santa to your chimney, ready to sip his now customary malt whisky or even whiskey? I for one hope not.

I secretly think, that the political glitterati also wish to avoid a GE. Are they perhaps accruing a few more months on office, whilst augmenting their sizeable pensions! 

Are we lacking in political talent?

Over the last few weeks many, many column inches have been written, relating to our Junior Minister John Halligan’s recent faux pas. Thus, widened the debate further, as to whether or not Waterford has the political talent to actually make a difference to the City, County and wider South East region.

If you look at our neighbouring counties, the numerous political “Big hitters” across our borders are well publicised. These TDs are aligning themselves for significant portfolios in the next Irish Government, be that 2018, 2019 or 2020.

Waterford’s long term hurling foe, Kilkenny, have a five seat constituency. Both FF and FG will probably be targeting three seats in the “Black and Amber” county. Out to the “Wesht” we have the super constituency of Cork. The two main parties of FF and FG are well aware that this very large geographical area is a key battle ground. Eighteen seats are available, across the various compass points, Tipperary has five seats on offer and so does Wexford.

We are quite literally surrounded, by much bigger political sharks and that in itself is our greatest challenge. The main two parties and probably SF, albeit behind closed doors, see the Déise as fish bait. Nothing too important and far enough away from Dublin headquarters to ignore....most of the time.

We have seen economic report after economic report shelved, or used to prop up wobbly old desks or used as doorstops, in dusty corners of Leinster House. From a rushed “Talk Talk” report, delivered by Richard Bruton and announced on WLR FM, during “Winterval on Ice” outside broadcast, in December 2011, to the most recent South East Economic reports. These have all come and gone. They have all been launched with much razz-a-ma-tazz, promising a subheading of “This is the one to fix our woes!” Yet many, many years later we are still stuck in the same Groundhog Day.

Our latest golden ticket promise of a “Proper” cardio review, has now been found wanting in the terms of reference. These by all accounts having been by-passed by our own TDs apparently, they are now arguing the terms need to be changed? The bigger questions is, is it just the four Waterford TDs asking that these be changed or are our political neighbours doing the same?

Surely, 4+5+5+5=19, makes a more powerful argument than the lone voices of four individual party members?

Despite the rhetoric surrounding the apparent working together on the “Three Sisters” bid. I do wonder, will we ever persuade the likes of Kilkenny, Wexford and adding in Tipperary, to really support the betterment of the region. The TDs in these neighbouring constituencies see themselves as THE regional players and do not wish to bow down to Waterford. They do after all have significantly bigger population centres and more TDs in the Dáil.

So what of Waterford’s political talent pool? Do we have the right people in Dublin to persuade our hostile neighbouring tribes to support the Déise? Well at this moment in time that would appear to be a big fat NO!

We have two TDs in Government. One has decided for some unknown reason to become John Ford’s “The Quiet Man” and our other Junior Minister the complete opposite. You know you have made it as an Irish politician, when Mario Rosenstock satirises your every move!

With two TDs in Government you would think that we would have some chance of succeeding. Alas, like so many of the reports that have gone before, their promise has been fleeting and ephemeral.

Will Waterford ever be a political force in Dublin? In truth that probably won’t happen, unless we return three, yes three, main party TDs. Or better still four from the same party! This of course, will not take place as we are voters of habit. Come election time we tend to vote the same old way.

We do need our current elected representatives to pull their socks up, whatever happens in the next year or two. They must start meeting and dealing with our “Hostile” neighbours.

They meet regularly themselves. Maybe now is the time to invite a few more to their tea party?

“It’s beginning to feel at lot like Christmas!”

If truth be told, that Christmas feeling seems to begin earlier and earlier each year. In fact, it appears to start right after Halloween. Once all the reduced in price “Trick or treat” paraphernalia, such as vampire costumes, werewolf masks, gory face paint, sickly marshmallow sweets and monkey nuts are gone, they’re gone.

Tinsel, baubles and Christmas trees, miraculously come out as if by magic! Even the BIG man from the North, invites us to make a list, before “Black Friday” gets us all excited whilst maxing out our credit cards. Make no bones about it, we succumb to commercialisation all too easily. Even Santa’s hard working wee elves are not immune to modern day pressures.

We can see evidence of Waterford making its annual Christmas statement, with the return of Winterval and Santa switching on the lights, on Friday 17^th November. This will take place in the heart of the City Centre. Supported live on air by WLR FM. All this exciting action will take place between John Robert’s Square and The Apple Market.

You may also have noticed that preparations are well under way, ready for the official Winterval Festival launch.

A huge vintage Ferris wheel has located itself on The Quay, opposite Shaw’s Department Store. You may just have seen the structure being erected last weekend. This is apparently, the largest mobile in Ireland. Offering passengers a unique perspective of the City and unparalleled views across the River Suir. Just remember to wrap up and maybe bring a warm blanket when going on this, as you wouldn’t wish to have a cold for Christmas day.

Winterval’s very successful ice rink, has of course moved to a bigger, better, new location, the Waterside Car Park, previously the old gas works. This will allow not one but two ice rinks to be operated. There will be the usual large rink and a smaller rink, to encourage the wee ones to take up ice skating. This makes a lot of sense. Previously, the mix of giddy teenagers trying to impress one another, caused many a collision and safety concerns for the smaller members of our community.

The move has caused some consternation, stoked of course by social media. One or two Facebook posts, indicating that the rink was NOT returning! In reality this has given the new operators lots of free publicity, creating a frisson of excitement. Will the new rink deliver a little bit extra this year?

The Apple Market, Waterford’s newest outdoor venue, continues to programme fresh, innovative exciting events. There will be a Christmas village located here, lots of live music and maybe even the opportunity to have an interactive snowball fight!

With so much going on, I do wonder, if these Christmassy distractions, will encourage those who represent us, to have some down time? After all, our Santa list for Waterford Inc. is not that big, is it?

Well yes it is!

The Cath Lab resolution must be at the top of Waterford’s long standing Christmas wish list. However, the recently published “Terms of reference”, appear, “Surprise, surprise”, to be anti-Waterford. Why, one wonders, do we have to start every process quite literally on the back foot! Surely, someone, given the record of reports for Waterford, had to be influencing the terms of reference, before they were published and NOT after.

University status for WIT, has been kicked so far down the road, that yet another generation of secondary level school leavers are missing out and having to travel many kilometres to go to a third level university. Waterford Airport has had no commercial flights for nearly 20 months and Government has been very quiet on the funding for our North Quays. This wish list, despite numerous opportunities, would have allowed Ireland’s Three Wise Men (Varadkar, Donohoe and Coveney) to be the bearers of gifts, our Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh.

There is much to look forward locally this festive season. Waterford will no doubt be supported regional by many a Christmas shopper and visitor.

I hope that these Dublin centric elves, don’t forget us and remember to deliver the odd present or two, to kick start our 2018.

Hi ho, hi ho it’s off to....North Korea!!!!

Much of the news last week, focused on the announcement that three Irish TDs would be paying a visit to the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK). North Korea to you and me. 

Yes, that madcap totalitarian dictatorship, run by their supreme leader Kim Jong-un, will be visited by Ireland’s “Three Stooges”. Messers Ross, McGarth and Waterford’s very own Minister Halligan, will fly out, at their own expense, to the capital Pyongyang, we assume. To stop, in their own words, “The inevitable move towards war with the good old USA”.

This amazing story began last week. Just like many people, I immediately checked my phone, when I first read this, to see if it was the 1^st of April. I also checked that this was not a Waterford Whispers news story. Lastly, I even went online to look up The Daily Mail, that font of knowledge for ALL spoof news stories. Low and behold the oracles told me, that this was actually true!

This was not fake news, but a real and current, national news story. A letter has been penned and sent by Minister Halligan, requesting that this parliamentary Troika be allowed permission to visit DPRK. We can also assume that they have requested a meeting with Kim Jong-un, otherwise that whole junket, would of course be a waste of time. After all, you don’t ask the monkey to play you a tune on the organ – do you?

The justification for this visit is that “Larry, Moe and Curly” are, “a group of three prominent politicians in a country highly-respected around the world for its neutrality.” That’s a fair enough statement, but the word neutrality, can be very loosely defined these days, depending on which side of the fence you sit!

 

I would also be pretty sure, that Kim Jong-un’s school lessons, did not have so much as a sentence about Ireland’s standing as a world powerhouse, when covering global history. One could even hazard a guess that Kim could not point to Ireland on a world map. Much the same as many people wouldn’t have a clue where the DPRK sits, between the Yellow Sea and the Sea of Japan.

The thought that this Troika could do any good on the world stage just beggars belief. Does it not show contempt, for the very people of Ireland who voted these three into power? For “Huey, Louie and Dewey” to think that they represent some kind of World Peace Brokers, is delusional beyond anyone’s imagination.

Donald the Trump, is hell bent on giving Kim the bloodiest of noses. He has even taken his golf bats with him, to help relieve the monotony of his marathon tour of Asia. He’ll be visiting Japan, China, Vietnam, Philippines and South Korea. Do our three, secretly living, in their own wee world, see themselves on a par with other world leaders, never mind other politicians? It would appear that they do, which is worrying for us, their electorate.

Whilst our “Three Amigos” are plotting and scheming to save “Who?” from the El Guapo character, we are left wondering why they are so willing to apparently disregard their own people.

There are far too many pressing problems in Ireland and Waterford to list in this wee column. Currently there are 8,000 homeless people, with 3,000 of these being children. NO Cath Lab in Waterford City, to service the 500,000 people across the South East. University status for WIT appears further away than ever. REAL regional development is nonexistent. A skills shortage, in key industrial areas, that has been endemic for years. I could go on and on.

We have far too many current issues that these “City Slickers” need to tackle right here, right now. To think that they believe they are doing us a favour by going East, has all the makings of a slapstick film. I can see comedy writers bashing out scripts as we speak, on their Apple Macs.

Even if in some parallel universe, they succeed in getting an audience with Kim, they will NEVER get to see the “maniac” Donald. They quite happily burned that bridge last year!

Maybe they’ll meet the “Stay Puft Marshmallow Man” next?

“Trick or treat, smell my feet....!”

Now that I have reached the “GOOD” side of 50! I am rapidly become less and less tolerant! Maybe even more grumpy!

In fact Mrs Garland and the rest of the Garland Clan tell me that I am turning into Victor Meldrew. Played by Richard Wilson, another Scot, in the BBC sitcom “One foot in the grave”. I don’t believe it myself, though, I have to admit, I do see some uncanny similarities. Particularly within certain situation, which I experience.

I am pretty sure that Victor would be sickened at the lack of effort and imagination that we witness, when we answer these knocks at the door, at this time of year. “Trick or Treat!” - sadly even these three words are largely missing from this custom. The whole process has become so Americanised, it appears that our children are now simply interested in “Making a fast buck”. They are riding the wave of get in quick, then turn and burn.

The door bell rings and on answering you may very well be greeted by an imaginative costume or two. With barely time to engage in niceties, a bag is pushed forward into your face which you are expected to fill, with all manner of sugary delights. I have also noticed that over the years, these bags have been increasing in size, with kids even carrying multiple bags! Our local retailers are now selling specifically themed buckets, encouraging foraging on a biblical scale. Some so heavy, the kids bring their very own Sherpa with them (normally Mum or Dad), to share this burdensome bounty.

Hundreds of parents are literally putting their backs out, having to haul this treasure trove of calorie laden confectionary, fed to these door knocking children. No doubt physiotherapists and chiropractors are eagerly flexing their hands, in anticipation of spooky appointment requests!

Mrs Garland loves when kids visit. They do come a knocking to chez Garland, in response to our decorated front windows, stating that we are “Open for business!” Our, now antique, plastic pumpkin glows softly in our porch, inviting every vampire, zombie or even a child who just hasn’t bothered, to ring our door bell.

Now in Scotland, before we went “Guising”, we had to somehow carve rock hard turnips, not pumpkins. This in itself, was literally a bloody affair, with many a finger being sliced open or amputated in the process. This of course saved the need to buy red paint! From memory, I cannot recall a scary, purple faced turnip, which did not bear a tinge of crimson red, adorning its facial features. Of course, the left over turnip did not go to waste and was eaten raw or found its way to the dinner plate.

As child after child rings the door bell, Mrs Garland answers. On the other hand, I would wait to hear if there was actually going to be a performance of some kind. If there wasn’t I’d rush out and hand the kids some of my homemade chocolate balls. A secret recipe that very skilfully disguises a Brussel sprout by wrapping it in a wonderful coating of chocolate! This proved so successful, that next year I am considering covering all manner of other vegetables, in a coating of thick milk or white chocolate.

I can only imagine the conversations at home, when the children bite into the chocolate ball, hoping to find a tasty, syrupy, sugary filling. Only to discover that they have actually eaten a sprout. Perhaps Jamie Oliver will be on to me shortly, asking me to roll out this experiment and change the dietary habits of a nation, in the run up to Christmas?

The joy of answering the door to a comically made up child is disappearing with age. Just where ARE all the wonderful songs and jokes we used to hear? The wee jigs and dance routines, which had been rehearsed for weeks, have all but vanished. Unfunny limericks and bashful performers are no more.

It is a sad sorry day, but I am resigned to the fact that I will no longer be entertained by spooky children, visiting our house at the end of October.

“I don’t believe it!” I hear you cry.