“Trick or treat, smell my feet....!”

Now that I have reached the “GOOD” side of 50! I am rapidly become less and less tolerant! Maybe even more grumpy!

In fact Mrs Garland and the rest of the Garland Clan tell me that I am turning into Victor Meldrew. Played by Richard Wilson, another Scot, in the BBC sitcom “One foot in the grave”. I don’t believe it myself, though, I have to admit, I do see some uncanny similarities. Particularly within certain situation, which I experience.

I am pretty sure that Victor would be sickened at the lack of effort and imagination that we witness, when we answer these knocks at the door, at this time of year. “Trick or Treat!” - sadly even these three words are largely missing from this custom. The whole process has become so Americanised, it appears that our children are now simply interested in “Making a fast buck”. They are riding the wave of get in quick, then turn and burn.

The door bell rings and on answering you may very well be greeted by an imaginative costume or two. With barely time to engage in niceties, a bag is pushed forward into your face which you are expected to fill, with all manner of sugary delights. I have also noticed that over the years, these bags have been increasing in size, with kids even carrying multiple bags! Our local retailers are now selling specifically themed buckets, encouraging foraging on a biblical scale. Some so heavy, the kids bring their very own Sherpa with them (normally Mum or Dad), to share this burdensome bounty.

Hundreds of parents are literally putting their backs out, having to haul this treasure trove of calorie laden confectionary, fed to these door knocking children. No doubt physiotherapists and chiropractors are eagerly flexing their hands, in anticipation of spooky appointment requests!

Mrs Garland loves when kids visit. They do come a knocking to chez Garland, in response to our decorated front windows, stating that we are “Open for business!” Our, now antique, plastic pumpkin glows softly in our porch, inviting every vampire, zombie or even a child who just hasn’t bothered, to ring our door bell.

Now in Scotland, before we went “Guising”, we had to somehow carve rock hard turnips, not pumpkins. This in itself, was literally a bloody affair, with many a finger being sliced open or amputated in the process. This of course saved the need to buy red paint! From memory, I cannot recall a scary, purple faced turnip, which did not bear a tinge of crimson red, adorning its facial features. Of course, the left over turnip did not go to waste and was eaten raw or found its way to the dinner plate.

As child after child rings the door bell, Mrs Garland answers. On the other hand, I would wait to hear if there was actually going to be a performance of some kind. If there wasn’t I’d rush out and hand the kids some of my homemade chocolate balls. A secret recipe that very skilfully disguises a Brussel sprout by wrapping it in a wonderful coating of chocolate! This proved so successful, that next year I am considering covering all manner of other vegetables, in a coating of thick milk or white chocolate.

I can only imagine the conversations at home, when the children bite into the chocolate ball, hoping to find a tasty, syrupy, sugary filling. Only to discover that they have actually eaten a sprout. Perhaps Jamie Oliver will be on to me shortly, asking me to roll out this experiment and change the dietary habits of a nation, in the run up to Christmas?

The joy of answering the door to a comically made up child is disappearing with age. Just where ARE all the wonderful songs and jokes we used to hear? The wee jigs and dance routines, which had been rehearsed for weeks, have all but vanished. Unfunny limericks and bashful performers are no more.

It is a sad sorry day, but I am resigned to the fact that I will no longer be entertained by spooky children, visiting our house at the end of October.

“I don’t believe it!” I hear you cry.

We’ve had “Bertie’s Bowl” and now “Varadkar’s Valhalla!”

I arrived in Ireland, some sixteen years ago, having driven a lorry containing ALL our family’s worldly belongings from Larne to Waterford City. It was a mammoth, long, weary journey at the time. There was little or no motorway infrastructure and in truth there were crappy roads everywhere, from the North to the South.

Our very small Scottish convoy, which constituted a rented 7.5 tonne truck and my Escort estate car, was stopped just across the border. This, I recall, put the fear of god into me and here’s why. In the back of my car, my air rifle was hidden inside my golf bag! I was well aware that an air rifle was illegal in Ireland, so to hide mine, I somehow thought making it look like a golf club was a good idea. Luckily the Garda only asked where we were going and once I explained that I was moving from Scotland to Waterford, he waved us on. The air rifle quickly left the Garland household once we settled in the City.

Thankfully, we have now seen major changes to the road infrastructure. The difficulties in accessing the South East corner, which took me from memory around 9 hours to get to in 2001, have been resolved. Belfast can be reached in less than 4 hours. Better still, you can actually drive from Belfast to Waterford without being stopped at a traffic light. Whilst the speed of change has been more walking pace than meteoric, there has been progress in opening up this wee sunny corner of this green isle.

When I settled in Waterford there was great talk and discussion about Waterford being THE “Gateway City” for the South East region. It would be developed to become the economic powerhouse of the region. Securing and attracting inward foreign investment, which would bring huge numbers of well paid jobs to everyone living in the “Sunny South East”. We would have a regional hospital with all the bells and whistles. A regional airport servicing the UK and the Western fringes of Europe. A university to rival those of Dublin, Cork, Limerick and Galway.

Scroll forward sixteen years and Government after Government have abjectly failed to deliver any regional development. Both the South East and North West have been principally ignored, by the very bodies that should be concentrating on promoting these disadvantaged areas. But the Irish way seems to be to ignore these problem children, sitting so far away from the epicentre of power.

The IDA’s own figures reveal a damming indictment on just how far Waterford has fallen off the table, in terms of “Promotional visits”. We are told that Waterford and the South East cannot be pushed ahead of the other regions. In fact our region cannot be promoted or receive special attention – as that would just be unfair! So, with the other regions flourishing, they're becoming an irresistible draw for yet more and  more Foreign Direct Investment (FDI), at a significant cost to the struggling NW and SE.

Our current Government recently launched the National Planning Framework, amid much pomp, ceremony and PR spin. A highlight for Waterford was Minister Coveney’s promise to double the City’s population. Yet, almost the very next day he rejected a report’s recommendations to extend the City’s boundary North across the River Suir. Talk about flip flopping, this party has it down to a T.

So, the very latest Government idea, to help a “Struggling Dublin?” with its booming economy once again, is to consider building a new City for Ireland in the Midlands region!!!!

Just where is the sense in such a stupid, ridiculous idea?

Our two struggling regions are crying out for Government investment. They are ready for regional investment and yet may once again be overlooked.

Are we really prepared to accept one more political folly after another? Who remembers Bertie’s Bowl? Now, after only a few wet weeks in office, we are planning to build Varadkar’s Valhalla. Why do our leaders feel the need to build their own Guggenheims? To be immortalised when they depart the political arena?

Surely, delivering an equitable, fair and reasonable regional development policy is a better legacy than one more Guggenheim?

Wonderfully Odd Waterford!

Last Sunday was a strange one for me.

It started early on Sunday morning, with me furiously trying to sew a rather old and tired Santa hat, on to the top of my helmet (cycling!). Now, I would never confess to be a dab hand at sewing and judging by the many, many Heath Robinson repairs to socks, cycling bibs, even an old Scotland patch on my winter tights. I would never make the televised stages of the BBC’s Sew Bee programme! Being the thrifty Scot I am, it is in my DNA to try and save something, prior to eventually having to toss it into the correctly coloured plastic receptacle.

Having somehow secured Santa’s hat, I then had to in some way attach a pair of Dame Edna Everage’s, Christmas themed, glasses to my actual cycling glasses. All manner of tools were arranged on the breakfast table – snippers, cable ties, scissors, rubber bands, string and so on. In the end I gave up. I simply laid Dame Edna’s glasses over my existing pair. This of course reduced my visibility by 50% causing excruciating neck pain, as I strained many a muscle, to twist my head to silly angles to simply see where I was going.

 

Next was a scarf of tinsel. Simple in design and yet visually stunning. Well, so I thought until it was pointed out to me that the sliver shiny stuff was getting tangled up in my back wheel and could, in all likelihood, toss me off the bike whilst traversing the Tramore Road.

The reason for all the dressing up was of course, you’ve guessed it, the annual Biscuit Club Santa Cycle – Waterford to Tramore and back to Waterford, via the Christmas Carousel in John Robert’s Square.

Every variety of Christmas onesie was on display on Saturday morning. There was many a Santa, a few Reindeers, some elves and of course lots of twinkly lights, flashing hats and enough tinsel to wrap several trees.

The Santa Run, sounding like an old WWII codename for a secret bombing mission, was great fun and light-hearted. It was also amazing to see so many motorists beeping their horns, waving and acknowledging our dressing up efforts. Maybe this is the way to answer that age old car versus cycling rivalry – sharing the road and being happy in our own space!

Onto the carousel, then breakfast, a wee raffle, a prize-giving, lots of laughs, then off home to shower and onto part two of my second last Sunday, before the Big Man dressed in red arrives.

Into The Book Centre to meet our three judges, Mary O’Neill, Phil Brennan and Hazel Farrell, for the annual Waterford Business Group’s Winter Wonderbands.

You may well have seen and heard, three wonderful bands playing across the City, in performance areas that included; outside The Book Centre, George’s Street and Cathedral Square. The three bands taking part this year were the De La Salle Scout Pipe Band, City of Waterford Brass and Brass Band New Ross.

To hear such wonderful music popping up around our City Centre, at this festive time of year, added so much to our visitors’ experience of Winter in Waterford City. I heard so many people saying that the bands were “brilliant”, “stunning” and “why don’t we have this in our town?” There were people taking photographs and videos to capture the moment in time. Waterford has come up with this concept and we need to drive on with this winning formula, to bring it to the next level.

There can be no doubt that we have a City, County and region that are blessed with talented musicians. The task of separating the three bands proved extremely difficult for the judges. In the end the 2016 winners were announced as the City of Waterford Brass. We do hope that the 2017 event will expand and attract between 6 and 9 bands to the City next year.

So, my second last shopping Sunday before Christmas started off on a road bike, wearing festive themed Lycra and ending with sweet music.

Only in Waterford, could such an odd combination work so well!

Gie Her A Haggis!

The food of Champions!

In four days time, on Monday 25^th January, many Scots, the Scottish Diaspora and anyone with a modicum of Scottishness, from around the globe, will be celebrating “Burns Night”. An annual get together of friends and family that celebrates one of Scotland’s most famous sons and one of our greatest exports – Robert or “Rabbie” Burns, the Bard of Ayrshire.

Robert Burns was the son of a peasant farmer and he was born, in Alloway, Ayrshire, on 25^th January 1759 (note the Scots claimed this date long before Mr Guinness did!). In his very short life, he died aged 37 in 1796, he would become one of Scotland’s greatest cultural icons, a voice of socialism and liberalism, through the writing of some of the world’s best recognised songs and poems.

Perhaps one of his best loved songs is sung every New Year’s Eve or Hogmanay. Not many of you may know this but the song “Auld Lang Syne” was penned by Burns in 1788 and who could have imagined that one day this song would be one of the world’s most recognised tunes, some 200 years after the death of Robert Burns.

You may also have heard of poems such as “A Red Red Rose”, “A Man’s a Man for A’ That” and “Tam O’Shanter”. Burns even influenced Phil Coulter and the line in Ireland’s Call “Come the day and come the hour” comes directly from the start of the second verse from the Burns poem “Scots Wha Hae”, a song that for a time served as our unofficial national anthem.

Robert or "Rabbie" Burns

Robert Burns was without doubt one of Scotland’s first ever superstars, the Robbie Williams of his time. He was loved by the lassies and when he performed his poetry in the Assembly Rooms, in Edinburgh, the lassies flocked in there hundreds and thousands. The lassies just could not wait to hear his Ayrshire brogue and “risky” views. He performed his stand-up in what is now one of Edinburgh’s leading Fringe Festival venues and he was so liked, adored and admired by the fairer sex that he fathered 13 children that we know of.

Burns would be fondly remembered for the times he spent with his closest friends, in the local pub, sipping whisky, debating politics, telling jokes, embellishing stories and reciting his beloved poetry. He was comfortable with his friends and neighbours, and much of what he penned was inspired by those around him, those who told him of their trials and tribulations of the hard lives they were leading and having to endure on a daily basis – times never change!

And why, may you ask, I am telling you about one of Scotland’s national heroes and one of our greatest ever exports?

Well, I was eager to tell you about Robert Burns because one of our local German retailers is in fact stocking Haggis, from Scotland, and I am delighted to see that in this land of Saints and Scholars that one of my own is starting to get noticed.

If Burns lived here, in Waterford City today, I would like to think that he would be a loud and proud voice that stood up to authority and spoke for and on behalf of the people. He would have confronted his perceived injustices of Government and striven to make a better life for all the men and women of Waterford.

Creating a better life for all of us here in Waterford really does lie in our own hands. We must push Waterford to the forefront of Government debate and at the very least ensure that we are at the dinner table, with or without Haggis, as at the moment we are not even getting to look at the menu.

If you are going to try a Haggis on Monday night remember the “bashit neeps an’ chappit tatties”, lots of pepper on the neeps and of course a wee glass of whisky.

"I'm  hunting Haggis!"

“Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face, 
Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!

......

His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An cut you up wi ready slight,

......

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,

......

But, if ye wish her gratefu prayer,
Gie her a Haggis!”

Rise and Rise again, Until the Lambs have become Lions.

“Rise and Rise again,

Like the Phoenix from the ashes,

Until the Lambs have become Lions,

And the Rule of Darkness is no more.”

This seems to be a very apt poem for Waterford at the moment. We have been for far too long “down and out” and yet can we now see the real signs of positivity beginning to return to this wonderful City and County.

I have over the last number of weeks touched upon and written about the many, many positive business stories that have come our way and this week is no different.

We now have confirmation that Bausch and Lomb are to invest significantly in Waterford City and expand the plant that manufactures products for a truly worldwide market. I am sure that we can all remember the not too distant announcement from the new owners of Bausch and Lomb, Valeant Pharmaceuticals, that they were either to cut pay and resize the workforce or close the plant. This in hindsight, though a very tough decision to take for the workforce, has in the end been played out positively for all concerned.

Valeant have been true to their word that short term pain would lead to long term gain and we can see the fruits of this promise with a multi-million Euro investment in Waterford City and the South East region. There can be absolutely no doubt that the very tough business decisions made and taken not even 12 months ago will see long term benefit for Waterford City and the employees of B & L.

This news, in addition to the announcement of the Portlaw development by Agora Incorporated, will, I am sure, deliver much needed additional jobs across the region and more importantly help to reduce our unemployment rate back towards the national average target.

I also believe that there will be further positive job announcements in the near future and this to must be welcomed by ALL and celebrated. As collectively we are beginning to put Waterford back on the jobs market and that can only be viewed as encouraging news.

Whilst the jobs news is great the sporting success of the Senior Hurling Team must also be applauded and will in time help to create a more positive attitude from the people of Waterford.

I have asked the question many times over as to why our nearest neighbours are more positive about business and business opportunities. And I do believe that due to the county’s phenomenal hurling successes the business community and the people of Kilkenny are just not quite so shy when it comes to “beating their own drums!”

But perhaps now Waterford is on a sporting success journey that will allow the people of Waterford to once again believe that they have something to shout positively about in terms of GAA Hurling.

Thanks to Noel Browne for the picture.

I must confess that having come from Scotland to Waterford City, some fifteen years ago, I am not familiar with Hurling and all the finer points of the game. The Garland household was brought up on rugby and my Father was so respected in the game that his ashes are actually sprinkled on the pitch at Murrayfield, on the try line, under the goalposts, at what used to be the old clock terracing end of the stadium. We sprinkled my Father’s ashes in 1999 and Scotland did in fact win the last Five Nations that year, but since then our Nations rugby prowess has diminished and we seem to now be collecting more wooden spoons than championships. I suppose I must take heart from the fact that we are reigning Five Nations Champions and yet I attended the WLR FM Big Rugby Breakfast last week and Ronan O’Gara did suggest that I start supporting another sport – I wonder why? 

I have watched Waterford play hurling on many occasions and whilst I still do not fully understand the sophistication of the game it did seem to me that the team did not fully believe in their own ability to win. They seemed to play the first half extremely well and fade or falter in the second half. But the team of young guns that I now see on the field of play seem to have absolutely no fear of their opposition and they simply go out believing that they are better than the foe they will face on the pitch on any given Sunday. The players chase and chase again and never seem to give up. They are simply prepared to leave it all on the pitch and I am sure that after the game last Sunday there were many, many aching joints and sore muscles.

The self belief we have will determine how our business functions and operates and this in turn will determine just how successful we are in business. Self belief is something we ALL have to learn and accommodate in our everyday lives and the more we believe in our own abilities the better we will ultimately perform. We must also expel the self-doubt that lingers in us all if we are to face adversity in the face and travel the hardest road to our destination. As without testing oneself in our everyday and business lives we are clearly not trying hard enough.

The joy of our Waterford Hurlers will lift the City and the County and quite rightly create expectation for the coming Championship games. We must all harness the drive, determination and positivity of the team, the squad and the backroom staff and shout, without shame, about the wonderful Waterford City and County we all live, work and play in.

It is time for ALL our Lambs to become Lions once more and as the City and County rises from the ashes we must embrace the recent multi-million Euro investment success and we must celebrate our sporting success.

 “Impossible is a word only to be found in the dictionary of fools,” Napoleon Bonaparte.  

Purple Flag will restore some balance to City spend.

As a wee boy growing up in Glenrothes, in central Scotland, our family lived on an estate that was designed as part of a number “New Towns” built to house the overspill of the redevelopment of Glasgow’s infamous tenements.

These new town planners had designed self sufficient housing estates that contained the entire infrastructure needed for modern family living in 1960’s Scotland. This included compact modern housing, a “village green” type grassed play space, secure garage lockups for your modern car, local shops, primary schools, a post office, lots of open space and one of my most enduring memory’s was a state of the art playground with new shiny brightly painted playground equipment that was in my mind the best in the world.

The playground that serviced Cromarty Court was on the way to my school, Rimbleton Primary, and was the most wonderful of places to start an adventure from. Included in this playground was one huge monolithic slide (or "shoot" as we called this in Scotland) that was in my eyes simply the highest structure I would ever have to climb, a series of three swings, the essential (yet lethal) brightly painted steel and wooden roundabout, but the most impressive of all these items was the yellow and blue seesaw that sat at the very heart of the playground. This to me was the best of the best of all the things to play on and partly due to the fact that a fall from the top of the shoot one sunny day put me off this once favourite play structure.

One of my many memories of playing on the seesaw was of course seeing just how many of your friends you could get standing on this balance beam on what would today be seen as a health and safety on no. Unfortunately, the once common seesaw has been replaced by those wobbly and springy ducks, hens and elephant contraptions that break ALL your teeth or give you children whiplash.

One abiding memory that will stick with me forever would be when one of my, shall I saw heavier playmates, would sit at one end of the seesaw and I would be left dangling one hundred feet in the air helplessly bumping up and down on the seat to try and bring my end of the seesaw back down to terra firma. On the odd occasion, when I would be feeling brave, I would push myself over the brightly painted safety handle and edge inch by inch towards the central pivot point and through the powers of some mystic magic seesaw fairy I would somehow make myself heavier thus levelling out the weight distribution and bringing the seesaw back down to ground. I would later learn in Physics classes, at Bell Baxter secondary school, that at five years old I was in fact implementing one of Newton’s many laws, which to this day I still do not understand and so I will be sticking to my fairy theory.

It was this memory that sprung to mind in early December when I was in the City Centre and several businesses from the George’s Street, Gladstone Street and O’Connell Street area of the City stopped me and asked why there were no additional Christmas lights etc in these areas when compared to Christmas of 2013. I believed that the reason is due to the fact that the ice rink this year had been moved and was set up further down The Quay, towards Rice Bridge, and that this meant there was no additional emphasis on the entrance to Winterval up and through Gladstone Street and along George’s Street. In 2013 there was a greater importance stressed on bringing footfall through the City Centre by directing people up Gladstone Street and along George’s Street and thus in 2013 there were significantly more lights, a number of craft cabins, some food stalls, better signage and even a gigantic blow-up snowman or bear or something on The Quay showing you the way through Winterval.

This year there was very little in the way of Christmas decorations in these areas and many traders and businesses were feeling that they had been forgotten in 2014.

Some traders and businesses had even said to me that there was a clear inconsistency in terms of investment in this area of the City when compared to other areas of the City and this of course has led to many metaphors coming my way.

But the one that seemed to be coming to the fore was the idea of an unbalanced seesaw where one side of the seesaw had seen significant and continued monetary investment at the cost of the other side. Thus there will always be one area of the City looking better than the other and for a City the size of Waterford this is extremely noticeable and sticks out like a sore thumb.

Clearly, there has to be a rebalancing of the seesaw and this cannot be the sole responsibility of the traders and businesses that have chosen to invest, work and trade in this once bustling area of our City. Over the last few weeks we have seen and heard of numerous entrepreneurs investing in property in this part of the City to start that renaissance process. But this would be made much easier if it was felt that there was at the very least some parity in terms of future investment. If we are truly to drive the City forward then we need to encourage more investors into the City and this will be made much easier if the current set of entrepreneurs feel that the seesaw can be balanced.

The proposed Purple Flag for Waterford City will incorporate this area of the City Centre and in fact extend right the way down The Quay towards Rice Bridge. If we are to be successful in marketing the City as a future Purple Flag destination then we need to see an accelerated investment outside of the Viking Triangle area. There are a significant number of commercial rate payers across the City Centre that wish to see not only an increased investment but fairness in terms of balancing that investment. An investment that is ultimately partly paid for in the commercial rates contributions made on an annual basis by the businesses and traders across the whole City Centre.

Through the wonders of Google maps I have discovered that my playground still has the slide and three swings, but sadly the roundabout and my seesaw have been removed – no doubt removed by the mad health and safety world we live in today.