“It’s beginning to feel at lot like Christmas!”

If truth be told, that Christmas feeling seems to begin earlier and earlier each year. In fact, it appears to start right after Halloween. Once all the reduced in price “Trick or treat” paraphernalia, such as vampire costumes, werewolf masks, gory face paint, sickly marshmallow sweets and monkey nuts are gone, they’re gone.

Tinsel, baubles and Christmas trees, miraculously come out as if by magic! Even the BIG man from the North, invites us to make a list, before “Black Friday” gets us all excited whilst maxing out our credit cards. Make no bones about it, we succumb to commercialisation all too easily. Even Santa’s hard working wee elves are not immune to modern day pressures.

We can see evidence of Waterford making its annual Christmas statement, with the return of Winterval and Santa switching on the lights, on Friday 17^th November. This will take place in the heart of the City Centre. Supported live on air by WLR FM. All this exciting action will take place between John Robert’s Square and The Apple Market.

You may also have noticed that preparations are well under way, ready for the official Winterval Festival launch.

A huge vintage Ferris wheel has located itself on The Quay, opposite Shaw’s Department Store. You may just have seen the structure being erected last weekend. This is apparently, the largest mobile in Ireland. Offering passengers a unique perspective of the City and unparalleled views across the River Suir. Just remember to wrap up and maybe bring a warm blanket when going on this, as you wouldn’t wish to have a cold for Christmas day.

Winterval’s very successful ice rink, has of course moved to a bigger, better, new location, the Waterside Car Park, previously the old gas works. This will allow not one but two ice rinks to be operated. There will be the usual large rink and a smaller rink, to encourage the wee ones to take up ice skating. This makes a lot of sense. Previously, the mix of giddy teenagers trying to impress one another, caused many a collision and safety concerns for the smaller members of our community.

The move has caused some consternation, stoked of course by social media. One or two Facebook posts, indicating that the rink was NOT returning! In reality this has given the new operators lots of free publicity, creating a frisson of excitement. Will the new rink deliver a little bit extra this year?

The Apple Market, Waterford’s newest outdoor venue, continues to programme fresh, innovative exciting events. There will be a Christmas village located here, lots of live music and maybe even the opportunity to have an interactive snowball fight!

With so much going on, I do wonder, if these Christmassy distractions, will encourage those who represent us, to have some down time? After all, our Santa list for Waterford Inc. is not that big, is it?

Well yes it is!

The Cath Lab resolution must be at the top of Waterford’s long standing Christmas wish list. However, the recently published “Terms of reference”, appear, “Surprise, surprise”, to be anti-Waterford. Why, one wonders, do we have to start every process quite literally on the back foot! Surely, someone, given the record of reports for Waterford, had to be influencing the terms of reference, before they were published and NOT after.

University status for WIT, has been kicked so far down the road, that yet another generation of secondary level school leavers are missing out and having to travel many kilometres to go to a third level university. Waterford Airport has had no commercial flights for nearly 20 months and Government has been very quiet on the funding for our North Quays. This wish list, despite numerous opportunities, would have allowed Ireland’s Three Wise Men (Varadkar, Donohoe and Coveney) to be the bearers of gifts, our Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh.

There is much to look forward locally this festive season. Waterford will no doubt be supported regional by many a Christmas shopper and visitor.

I hope that these Dublin centric elves, don’t forget us and remember to deliver the odd present or two, to kick start our 2018.

Hi ho, hi ho it’s off to....North Korea!!!!

Much of the news last week, focused on the announcement that three Irish TDs would be paying a visit to the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK). North Korea to you and me. 

Yes, that madcap totalitarian dictatorship, run by their supreme leader Kim Jong-un, will be visited by Ireland’s “Three Stooges”. Messers Ross, McGarth and Waterford’s very own Minister Halligan, will fly out, at their own expense, to the capital Pyongyang, we assume. To stop, in their own words, “The inevitable move towards war with the good old USA”.

This amazing story began last week. Just like many people, I immediately checked my phone, when I first read this, to see if it was the 1^st of April. I also checked that this was not a Waterford Whispers news story. Lastly, I even went online to look up The Daily Mail, that font of knowledge for ALL spoof news stories. Low and behold the oracles told me, that this was actually true!

This was not fake news, but a real and current, national news story. A letter has been penned and sent by Minister Halligan, requesting that this parliamentary Troika be allowed permission to visit DPRK. We can also assume that they have requested a meeting with Kim Jong-un, otherwise that whole junket, would of course be a waste of time. After all, you don’t ask the monkey to play you a tune on the organ – do you?

The justification for this visit is that “Larry, Moe and Curly” are, “a group of three prominent politicians in a country highly-respected around the world for its neutrality.” That’s a fair enough statement, but the word neutrality, can be very loosely defined these days, depending on which side of the fence you sit!

 

I would also be pretty sure, that Kim Jong-un’s school lessons, did not have so much as a sentence about Ireland’s standing as a world powerhouse, when covering global history. One could even hazard a guess that Kim could not point to Ireland on a world map. Much the same as many people wouldn’t have a clue where the DPRK sits, between the Yellow Sea and the Sea of Japan.

The thought that this Troika could do any good on the world stage just beggars belief. Does it not show contempt, for the very people of Ireland who voted these three into power? For “Huey, Louie and Dewey” to think that they represent some kind of World Peace Brokers, is delusional beyond anyone’s imagination.

Donald the Trump, is hell bent on giving Kim the bloodiest of noses. He has even taken his golf bats with him, to help relieve the monotony of his marathon tour of Asia. He’ll be visiting Japan, China, Vietnam, Philippines and South Korea. Do our three, secretly living, in their own wee world, see themselves on a par with other world leaders, never mind other politicians? It would appear that they do, which is worrying for us, their electorate.

Whilst our “Three Amigos” are plotting and scheming to save “Who?” from the El Guapo character, we are left wondering why they are so willing to apparently disregard their own people.

There are far too many pressing problems in Ireland and Waterford to list in this wee column. Currently there are 8,000 homeless people, with 3,000 of these being children. NO Cath Lab in Waterford City, to service the 500,000 people across the South East. University status for WIT appears further away than ever. REAL regional development is nonexistent. A skills shortage, in key industrial areas, that has been endemic for years. I could go on and on.

We have far too many current issues that these “City Slickers” need to tackle right here, right now. To think that they believe they are doing us a favour by going East, has all the makings of a slapstick film. I can see comedy writers bashing out scripts as we speak, on their Apple Macs.

Even if in some parallel universe, they succeed in getting an audience with Kim, they will NEVER get to see the “maniac” Donald. They quite happily burned that bridge last year!

Maybe they’ll meet the “Stay Puft Marshmallow Man” next?

“Trick or treat, smell my feet....!”

Now that I have reached the “GOOD” side of 50! I am rapidly become less and less tolerant! Maybe even more grumpy!

In fact Mrs Garland and the rest of the Garland Clan tell me that I am turning into Victor Meldrew. Played by Richard Wilson, another Scot, in the BBC sitcom “One foot in the grave”. I don’t believe it myself, though, I have to admit, I do see some uncanny similarities. Particularly within certain situation, which I experience.

I am pretty sure that Victor would be sickened at the lack of effort and imagination that we witness, when we answer these knocks at the door, at this time of year. “Trick or Treat!” - sadly even these three words are largely missing from this custom. The whole process has become so Americanised, it appears that our children are now simply interested in “Making a fast buck”. They are riding the wave of get in quick, then turn and burn.

The door bell rings and on answering you may very well be greeted by an imaginative costume or two. With barely time to engage in niceties, a bag is pushed forward into your face which you are expected to fill, with all manner of sugary delights. I have also noticed that over the years, these bags have been increasing in size, with kids even carrying multiple bags! Our local retailers are now selling specifically themed buckets, encouraging foraging on a biblical scale. Some so heavy, the kids bring their very own Sherpa with them (normally Mum or Dad), to share this burdensome bounty.

Hundreds of parents are literally putting their backs out, having to haul this treasure trove of calorie laden confectionary, fed to these door knocking children. No doubt physiotherapists and chiropractors are eagerly flexing their hands, in anticipation of spooky appointment requests!

Mrs Garland loves when kids visit. They do come a knocking to chez Garland, in response to our decorated front windows, stating that we are “Open for business!” Our, now antique, plastic pumpkin glows softly in our porch, inviting every vampire, zombie or even a child who just hasn’t bothered, to ring our door bell.

Now in Scotland, before we went “Guising”, we had to somehow carve rock hard turnips, not pumpkins. This in itself, was literally a bloody affair, with many a finger being sliced open or amputated in the process. This of course saved the need to buy red paint! From memory, I cannot recall a scary, purple faced turnip, which did not bear a tinge of crimson red, adorning its facial features. Of course, the left over turnip did not go to waste and was eaten raw or found its way to the dinner plate.

As child after child rings the door bell, Mrs Garland answers. On the other hand, I would wait to hear if there was actually going to be a performance of some kind. If there wasn’t I’d rush out and hand the kids some of my homemade chocolate balls. A secret recipe that very skilfully disguises a Brussel sprout by wrapping it in a wonderful coating of chocolate! This proved so successful, that next year I am considering covering all manner of other vegetables, in a coating of thick milk or white chocolate.

I can only imagine the conversations at home, when the children bite into the chocolate ball, hoping to find a tasty, syrupy, sugary filling. Only to discover that they have actually eaten a sprout. Perhaps Jamie Oliver will be on to me shortly, asking me to roll out this experiment and change the dietary habits of a nation, in the run up to Christmas?

The joy of answering the door to a comically made up child is disappearing with age. Just where ARE all the wonderful songs and jokes we used to hear? The wee jigs and dance routines, which had been rehearsed for weeks, have all but vanished. Unfunny limericks and bashful performers are no more.

It is a sad sorry day, but I am resigned to the fact that I will no longer be entertained by spooky children, visiting our house at the end of October.

“I don’t believe it!” I hear you cry.

“Walk on by!”

Just over a week ago Ex Ophelia left these shores to be followed very quickly by the oh so terrifying, storm Brian.

Brian was never a name that, in all honesty, struck fear into any man (sorry Brians of this world)! To me, this name will be forever associated with the BBC children’s, stop animation TV series, “The Magic Roundabout”.

Those of a certain vintage, will recall that the snail in the Trilby hat, was called Brian. He never did anything exciting, or frightening for that matter. Episode after episode, he would do nothing more than wander ever so slowly and aimlessly, around the set and that roundabout. He attempted to dish out the odd piece of advice, but never an angry or cross word was uttered, by “Brian the snail”.

If these weather themed names were to be maintained, then I think that the next few storms should have been called; Coral, Dougal or Dylan and not forgetting Ermintrude, the pink coo! None of these names would strike terror into any human being.

Caroline is the next designated storm for Ireland and the UK. Followed, coincidently enough by a Dylan. I assume not identified with the dozy, lethargic rabbit, from “The Magic Roundabout”? Apparently named, after the real Bob Dylan! There is even an Iona, a Hector, a Larry and a Winifred!!! I doubt there’s a scary forename, amongst this year’s chosen 21.

Is it me or has anyone else noticed, that the storms bearing female specific gender, are more wrathful and angrier than the male counterparts? I know I may have just opened up an astronomic can of worms with this statement, but it does seem so!

In the midst of saying goodbye to one storm and welcoming another, the Government’s post-budget road trip was cancelled last week. On safety advice both Leo and Paschal, quite rightly, chose to park the company jet, save on a wee bit of fuel and leave visiting Waterford City and County until a future date.

There was much excitement in many a local Fine Gael Councillor’s household, with this imminent visit of the two most powerful men in Irish politics. We even heard on thegrapevine, that they were coming to announce securing the circa €61,000,000 for our North Quay development. Alas, we will have to wait just a wee bit longer for this project to get over the line. In the meantime we continue to anticipate and be intrigued by the many other reported developments apparently in the pipeline, supporting this SDZ.

I just hope that these two TDs actually manage to find their way to Waterford. To date, this Government’s record has not been overly encouraging. Let’s face it, we are a priority to neither of these Dublin-Centric power brokers.

No good news on the money front!

But fear not, as we read about Waterford taking the lead in building a tranche of brand new council houses. The work of one Councillor doing another solo run, apparently! Yet our Minister is also claiming credit for this miracle delivery, of 31 new housing units in Waterford City. Read the small print! You’ll see that these have been scheduled, planned, designed and talked about for some significant time. They should have been provided long before even Ex Ophelia appeared.

Red tape and bureaucratic shenanigans, by senior civil servants, conspire to hold this project up. Sounds familiar? Not for the first time we have had to wait for someone else to line up his or her ducks.

Building council houses on Local Authority owned land has to be a simple, quick process, doesn’t it? By all accounts it’s not. There are many, many hoops to jump through. Why does everything have to be sooooo complicated? Can we not just make the right decisions and deliver on the “Programme for Government”?

Ex Ophelia and Brian have walked right on by Waterford, en route to another destination. They came promising so much and gave us a very small insight into the dormant power of nature. I am sure that they’ve both left plenty in the tank.

Will we get as excited when Leo and Paschal next storm into our City? I leave that for you to consider, dear readers.

Our poor Ex, Ophelia!

You spend all your life preparing for the big moment. Practising and practising for all were worth. Constantly repeating the mantra “Correct practice makes perfect!” Growing and growing in size and power for that one spectacular entrance. You had “One chance, just one chance....” Your family and friends were watching expectantly. The media were gathered in ever increasing numbers.

Then, just as you started to approach Ireland, to become the first hurricane “On record”, those weather people downgraded you to an “Ex-hurricane” and changed your name to “Ex-Ophelia”!

Alas, we were still hit pretty hard - we all know the damage an angry “Ex” can do!

I spent early Monday morning clearing the last few wee bits and bobs in our walled garden. Hoping that this stoutly built barrier and our, luckily, North West facing aspect would be protected by the house. Well that was my thinking anyway. At the time of writing Ex-Ophelia was just starting to show her teeth and starting her relentless march into Waterford City.

There was the odd ping of debris, hitting the office window and trees were shedding leaves like no tomorrow. At least Winnie The Pooh would have been happy, “I don’t mind the leaves that are leaving. It is the leaves that are coming...” he famously said. Describing the avalanche of autumn leaves falling around his house. Come Tuesday morning, there will probably not be a tree in Ireland wearing any autumnal colours. Leaf blowers becoming redundant in Ireland this year, as Ex-Ophelia’s sorcery being supreme.

No doubt some brave and foolish souls, had ventured out to get that once in a lifetime, danger seeking selfie. Holding their camera phone tightly, to stop it being blowing away in the wind. Better still, trying to keep one of those ridiculous stick things steady, to frame the perfect storm. These selfish people put the lives of our emergency services at risk and getting that Facebook, Instagram, Twitter shot is not worth the jeopardy.

At least Ex-Ophelia has taken all our minds off a rather weak and non-eventful Dolly Mixture of a budget. Paschal “Use the Force Luke” Donohoe and his fearful leader Leo “Darth-Varadkar” had to cancel their budget road trip to the Sunny South East and Waterford City. Many had thought that, on this very voyage the dynamic duo would announce the loosening of the exchequer purse. Finally delivering, with no strings attached, the circa €61,000,000 for the infrastructural works, for our Strategic Development Zone, on the North Quays. Trust me, that auld rumour mill was working overtime last week.

 

Our Ex certainly put a BIG stop to that!!!

The Government cavalcade is simply going to drive right on past Waterford. No doubt heading off into the Wesht! Maybe they’ll find their way back to us on the return leg of the road trip? Och, how silly of me. I forgot they don’t have the satellite co-ordinates for Waterford City, do they?

In many ways, the story of ex-hurricane Ophelia could be a metaphor for Waterford City and County. The promise of something spectacular coming our way. The delivery of a game changing impact project for the whole population. A big announcement that will fix our economic woes.

We have waited and waited. There has been promise after promise broken. Deadline after deadline missed. Goal posts being moved at every single opportunity. Ministers and TDs ducking and diving, to avoid the eye of the storm. We always seem to end up with a downgrade. Something more palatable to the constituents of the people in power and yet little or no use to the people of Waterford.

It looks like we may well have to sit and wait for considerably more time, to encounter our first hurricane on record, to grace these shores.

Here’s some late, late good news to finish. Last weekend the magnificent Nationwide Team (with Brian and Suzie) were back in Waterford, filming a full programme with Waterford Camino Tours. The show will air in the spring of next year and will be hosted by the elegant Mary Kennedy. We really are so very lucky to have such support, for our City and County from this flagship RTE programme.

A colourful City?

At the time of writing, Minister Pascal "Use the Force" Luke Donohoe, would have been polishing the finer points of his 2018 Fine Gael Budget.

After being “Anointed” in June this year, to Leo’s Cabinet, as Minister of Finance, his wee primary school abacus has been dusted down and no doubt, never worked so hard. As TD after TD has demanded that their very own field of green deserves much, much more than their nearest neighbour.

There is NO sense of teamwork. Friendships are completely forgotten. Camaraderie goes out the window when budget time comes around. It is dog eat dog in the halls of power, in Leinster House.

I grant you, it is slightly more complicated this year, with the thin bonds holding this Government together. The sticking plaster is under tremendous strain, or so the spin would like you to believe. Yet, at the end of the day there is really very little between our two “Centre, right, left” parties and neither is going to step down from the seat of power just yet. There are deadlines to reach, in terms of securing pension rights, pay rises to accept and the feeling is that our next election may well be pushed out to 2019.

Just who, from Waterford, has been battering down the door to the Minister’s office in Upper Merrion Street? We have suspiciously heard very little from our two sitting Government TDs. You have to wonder just which side they’re batting for?

The jungle drums are beating out messages, telling us that the likes of our neighbouring Teflon TD, is working miracles for his Tipp constituents. Kilkenny’s new boy on the block, is steamrolling yet more investment into his county, to make up for the disappointment of their hurlers!

All around this wee green isle, deals were being done and papers signed, to advance parish pump politics. Something our elected few seem particularly bad at. We know the game plan, but just like some of our soccer teams, we find it impossible to stick to. When we need a “Plan B”, well, it is simply not there. Good in practice but poor in execution. “He talks a good game”, could be our political mantra.

Will Waterford be any better off once all the dust has settled on Budget Day 2018? Will the granny knot on Pascal’s purse strings be untied, affording Waterford much needed exchequer funding. Improving our access infrastructure, starting the North Quays, giving the South East proper cardiac care and delivering a REAL university for our region......I am not so sure.

Printed words will promise the earth, moon and stars, however I fear much of the same old, same old rhetoric. We have for far too long, been used to reading paragraph after paragraph of waffle. Commitment with absolutely NO substance, in how Waterford will likely benefit from the remote decisions being made, on our behalf, in the Dáil?

Don’t hold your breath! We are once again bottom of the pecking order and have been thrown the odd crumb or two. When will we ever get the chance to order, once again, from the à la carte menu?

My spirits were lifted on Sunday, despite this concerning backdrop. Once again I was involved in stewarding for the Solas Cancer Support Centre Run and Walk for Life. Having been Chair of the organising committee for the last two years, I was delighted to see the new committee run the most successful event to date.

The 5-mile walk, introduced in my first year as Chair of the RWFL in 2015, has as expected grown exponentially and has now become the main stay of the event. Well over 2,000 people took part in this the third walk. This annual event may now have become the biggest participatory event in Waterford.

A spectacular and solid sea of orange could be witnessed along The Quay and up The Mall.

Once again, I managed to get hold of a loud hailer. I positioned myself on the corner of John’s Street to bark, Sherk-like, instructions, to the runners and walkers. Then, I found myself balance on my push bike, cycling alongside the walkers, using the hailer to shout encouragement.

“Only 4-miles to go!” may well be my new calling card. 

It’s “Oh So Quiet!”

“Sssh, sssh, it’s oh so quiet....sssh, sssh and so peaceful until...” are the words from the first verse of that wonderfully weird, Icelandic singer Bjork’s, 1995 song. A year I remember very, very well. This was the year I would marry an Irish lassie and through the fickle fate of fortune, ultimately end up living here, in Waterford City. Settling with my young family, in January 2001 and I have no intention of moving on.

My during my time to date in Waterford there have been a number of issues constantly courting media attention. Cementing Waterford City as the economic gateway to the South East. Delivering University status for the WIT and not may I add to this argument not a fudged “Technological” status. The full Scotch Bonnet chilli version, with ALL the associated kudos. More importantly, with the necessary funding bells and whistles. Giving our youth the very same third level opportunities to enrol at a REAL university, just like the other four cities in Ireland. A regional hospital which provides “Adequate” services for the half a million population in the region. Finally, our fare share of IDA Foreign Direct Investment into Waterford, to service our economy.

The recently published statistics, by the IDA themselves, detailing activity for 2017 are inexcusable and indefensible. Only “Four”, yes “4”, visits in the first six months of this year! Quite clearly we need to work harder on our visibility. Not only did our NHS mobile catheterisation laboratory struggle to find us, but the IDA is now having trouble pinpointing Waterford on an Ordnance Survey map.

If Ireland Inc’s economic recovery is “Well underway”, according to Leo, it’s incomprehensible that Waterford has received only 0.016% of total potential FDI visits. Why is our Government Minister and absent TD, not screaming and shouting about this s*”@e statistic?

My calculator actually coughed with embarrassment, when trying to work out such a low, low percentage! No matter how much spin you put on this figure, it must indisputably show that Waterford is being ignored and quite literally wiped off the map, in terms of REAL regional development.

Yet, it is against this myopic back drop, we are seeing Local Property Tax to be increased by 2.5 % in 2018. The suggested proposal was 10%!!!! Commercial Rates will likely face a significant increase, in the forthcoming final Council budgetary meetings. Where are the people living who are making theses decision on our behalf? Are they living in such a cosseted, cocooned financial bubble that increases are irrelevant, given their own financial circumstances? 

Last week I wrote about the Council’s very own Indecon Report. This delivered an irrefutable argument for central exchequer funding, for our Strategic Development Zone on the North Quays. This report outlined just how tough our current economic circumstances are. When you add in the lack of IDA interest in Waterford, is it any wonder that our fragile economic recovery is miles behind the rest of Ireland? It cannot come as any surprise, that we have some of the lowest disposable incomes of any of the regions.

Yet, we constantly allow others to take more and more of our hard earned cash from our pockets, without as much as a whimper!

Lots of people are shocked and annoyed about having to pay more LPT and many have told me this is the case. Has anyone actually contacted their local Councillor and asked them “Why my LPT is going up?” “What is the increase actually paying for?” I am sure we would all, albeit reluctantly, pay a little bit more if this would ensure better services, better roads, better footpaths etc. Is that what this increase is essentially paying for? Are there not indications that all these budgetary lines are remaining the same, as in 2017?

 

Last week, we also saw the release of the much lauded National Planning Framework document, showing many new key performance indicators for Waterford. Regrettably, the language used, is once again far too vague on delivery. I for one, won’t be holding my breath, awaiting these miracles, for I’d surely suffocate!

Our perplexing ability, not to question so many of these issues, ensures that we will continue to remain on the bottom rung of the funding ladder.